(image credit : www.clipartguide.com)
"Do not try to tidy up the mess in an engineer's room. He will not find his things when the room is tidied (you will disrupt his 'system of filing')."
This was the "lesson learnt" soon after the personal assistant (PA) to my former boss went tidying up his room, one day. The PA was responding to some complains that people could not push the door open without pushing together the pile of "important document" stacked behind the door.
Engineers hate to be managed. Someone from senior management must exercise caution because engineers are intelligent and cunning and; it is very rare that they will admit defeat. Engineers do not worry about the young, inexperience managers or even middle managers. These are just 'happy meals' to them.
Engineer vs Management
Why things aren't going well
A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is, technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip."
The woman below responded, "You must be in Management."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are - due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you've no idea how to keep and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."
And I think these two below were also written by someone in the technical fields...
Senior Management
In the Eyes of Engineers
A guy walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other. He says to the waiter, "Me want coffee".
The waiter says, "Sure chief, coming right up". He gets the guy a tall mug of coffee, and the guy drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket of manure, throws it into the air, blasts it with the shotgun, then just walks out.
The next morning the guy returns. He has his shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other.
He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Me want coffee". The waiter says "Whoa,Tonto. We're still cleaning up your mess from the last time you were here. What the heck was that all about, anyway?"
The guy smiles and proudly says, "Me in training for upper management. Come in, drink coffee, shoot the shit, and disappear for the rest of the day."
Engineers always specify products which have standard accredited by SIRIM, BS, JIS, ASTM etc. But accountant always procure the cheapest products (not to mention imitations, clones and fakes), available in the market. Engineers will get the biggest headache when these cheap products broke down the next hour after money had been paid. So, do you have the idea now why engineers do not particularly like the stingy accountant? (even worse when an accountant/finance guy is being installed as the CEO of an engineering based company...(pppsssssttt !!... but he is much better than having a politician as CEO !)
Someone in technical field wrote this ?
Once upon a time, allegedly, in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. By surprising coincidence both were blind from birth.
One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down.
This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit. "Oh,my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you.
I've been blind since birth, so, I can't see where I'm going. In fact, since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am."
"It's quite OK," replied the snake. "Actually, my story is much the same as yours. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and work out what you are, so at least you'll have that going for you." "Oh, that would be wonderful," replied the bunny.
So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, "Well, you're covered with soft fur; you have really long ears; your nose twitches; and you have a soft cottony tail. I'd say that you must be a bunny rabbit." "Oh, thank you! Thank you," cried the bunny in obvious excitement.
The bunny suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you all over with my paw, and help you the same way you've helped me."
(image credit : bradfitzpatrick.com)
So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, "Well, you're scaly and smooth, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone and no balls. I'd say you must be either an accountant, or possibly someone in senior management."
More reasons why things aren't going well and why engineers like to be out in the field rather than in office...
Corporate Quotes
(as per the email forwarded to me - source unknown)
"As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks."
(This was the winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp. In Redmond WA )
"What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter."
(Lykes Lines Shipping)
"E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business."
(Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)
"This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it."
(Advertising/ Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)
"Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule."
(Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)
"No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them."
(R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/ 3M Corp.)
Quote from the boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."
(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)
My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday.
When I told my boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year.
He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday.
He said, "That would be better for me."
(Shipping executive, FTD Florists)
"We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees."
(Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)
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