When Engineers go to hell..

An engineer dies and reports to the Pearly Gates.

Saint Peter checks his dossier and, not seeing his name there, accidentally sends him to Hell.

It does not take long before the engineer becomes rather dissatisfied with the level of comfort in Hell.

He soon begins to design and build improvements. Shortly thereafter, Hell has air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators. Needless to say, the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day, God calls Satan and says with a sneer:

“So, how are things in Hell?”

  Satan replies:

“Hey, things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators. And there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.”

“What!” God exclaims: “You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake — he should never have been sent to Hell… send him to me.”

“Not a chance,” Satan replies: “I like having an engineer on the staff, and I’m keeping him!”

 God insists:

“Send him back or I’ll sue.”

Satan laughs uproariously and answers: 

“Yeah, right. And where are you going to get a lawyer?”

If you like the Engineer series, click below for previous posts:-

• When An Engineer Stands In As A Doctor
• The Engineer Again?
• The Engineer (3) - The Many Takes
• The Engineer (2) - Engineer vs Management / Accountant
• The Engineer (1) - Getting to Know One
• Watch and You Will See

MERRY CHRISTMAS...!

GO HERE !

You Are Not a Single YOU

You're a common rhyme-word now,
dependent on some other for your emotional force,
but real life will come.

As when a baby stops nursing

and grows interested in solid food.
 As when seeds break open in the ground
and act differently.

There is a hidden love-center in human beings

that you will discover and savor

and nourish yourself with.

That will be your food.

There's a way of going that's like the stars.
No,
even freer than they are,

completely unconditioned, unlocated, unpathed. A journey without a sky!

You came from Non-existence into being.
How did that happen?
Tell me about it!
You were a little drunk when you arrived,
so you can't remember exactly?

I'll give you some secret hints.
Let your mind go, and be mindful.
Close your ears, and listen.

But maybe I shouldn't tell, if you're not ripe.
You're still in early Spring.
July hasn't happened yet in you.
This world is a tree,
and we are green, half-ripe fruit on it.
We hold tight to the limbs,
because we know
we're not ready to be taken into the palace.

 

When we mature and sweeten,
we'll feel ashamed at having clung so clingingly.
To hold fast is a sure sign of unripeness.
To drink and enjoy blood is fine for an embryo.

More needs to be said on this,
but the Holy Spirit will tell it to you
when I'm not here.

*You'll* tell it to *yourself*.
Not I, or some other "I,"
You
who are Me!

As when you fall asleep
and go from the presence of your self
to the Presence of your Self.
You hear That One and you think,
"Someone must have communicated telepathically
in my sleep."
You are not a single You, good Friend,
you are a Sky and an Ocean,
a tremendous YHUUUUUU,
a nine hundred times huge drowning place
 for all your hundreds of you's.

What are these terms *wakefulness* and *sleep*?
Don't answer.
Let God answer.
Don't speak, so the Speakers can.
Not a word,
so Sun-Light can say
what has never been in a book, or said.
Don't try to put it into words,
and the Spirit will do that through you,
in spite of you,
beside you,
among you.
Stop swimming so hard,
and climb in the boat with Noah.

Mathnawi, III, 1283-1307
Version by Coleman Barks and John Moyne
"This Longing"
Shambhala, Boston & London, 2000

Less than an atom..

When He Himself is the light of your eye,

a hundred worlds like ours appear.

If this one looks bottomless and vast,

remember:

to Omnipotence it is less than an atom.

Mathnawi I: 523-6

Version by Camille and Kabir Helminski

"Rumi: Daylight"

Threshold Books, 1994
 

 

In Uttering It... 

In Uttering It... Part 2

 

 

The Cup..

We have fallen in love with the idea of becoming more than we are, and that very belief keeps us stuck where we are. We are on an endless search for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, all the while not realizing that we are standing on the pot of gold.

People living in scarcity and struggle see the cup as half empty.

People who are positive thinkers see the cup as half full.

People who understand their true connection to Source Energy see

the cup as overflowing.

But people who are living in the Flow and in Alignment know

they ARE the cup.

What's keeping you from seeing yourself as "The Cup"?

Dr. Robert Anthony

Salam Hijrah...

GO HERE.......

HERE I AM

“Your calling my name is My reply.

Your longing for Me is My message to you.

All your attempts to reach Me

Are in reality My attempts to reach you.

Your fear and love are a noose to catch Me.

In the silence surrounding every call of “Allah”

Waits a thousand replies of 
“Here I am.”

In Silence The Secrets Speak...

There is a channel between voice and presence,

a way where information flows.

In disciplined silence

 the channel opens.

With wandering talk,

 it closes.

Version by Coleman Barks

Unseen Rain

Threshold Books, 1986

There is a thread from the heart to the lips

where the secret of life is woven.

Words tear the thread

but in silence

the secrets

speak.

Translation by Azima Melita Kolin & Maryam Mafi

Rumi: Hidden Music

HarperCollins Publishers Ltd, 2001

In Silence

Hush! Say No More!

Tiga Belas...

13

AWAL-AWAL AGAMA MENGENAI TUHAN.

HANYA ALLAH MENGENAL ALLAH.

DIALAH YANG AWAL DAN DIALAH YANG AKHIR, DAN YANG ZAHIR DAN YANG BATIN, DAN DIALAH YANG MENGETAHUI AKAN TIAP-TIAP SESUATU.

SESUNGGUHNYA TUHAN ITU DEKAT, LEBIH DEKAT DARI MATA PUTIH DAN MATA HITAM, LEBIH DEKAT DARI URAT LEHER KAMU SENDIRI.

BARANG SIAPA DIA, TELAH MENGENAL DIRI DIA, MAKA SESUNGGUHNYA TELAH MENGENAL AKAN TUHANNYA.

MATILAH KAMU SEBELUM KAMU MATI.

FANA UL FANA. HILANG DIRI, TIMBUL DIRI, BETUL DIRI, KENAL DIRI, DIALAH YANG EMPUNYA DIRI.

SESUNGGUHNYA TELAH AKU JADI MANUSIA DALAM SE ELOK-ELOK KEJADIAN.

DAN TIDAK AKU JADI JIN DAN MANUSIA KECUALI MEREKA ITU BERIBADAT.

TIDAK AKU NYATA PADA SESUATU SEBAGAIMANA TERNYATANYA PADA MANUSIA.

BARANGSIAPA YANG MENUNTUT KEMULIAAN TUHAN DENGAN TIDAK MEMBICARAKAN DIRINYA (YAKNI MENINGGALKAN DIRINYA SENDIRI), MAKA SESUNGGUHNYA SESAT, SESAT YANG SANGAT JAUH.

ENGKAU ADALAH RAHSIAKU DAN AKU ADALAH RAHSIAMU.

TIDAK ADA KELEBIHANNYA ABU BAKAR DENGAN BANYAKNYA SEMBAHYANG DAN DENGAN BANYAKNYA PUASA. TETAPI KELEBIHANNYA IALAH KERANA DIA TELAH MELIHAT RAHSIA PADA DADANYA (YANG ADA PADANYA) DENGAN TETAP.

Anak Rimau

(Penyampaian Tok Manaf)

• Yang Berulang-ulang I...
• Yang Berulang-ulang II
• Telah Berkata...

Aidil Adha 2011

 

The Night of Union

Ghazal 1092

This is the Night of  Union,

when the stars scatter their rice over us.
The sky is excited!

Venus cannot stop singing the little songs she's making up,
like a bird in the first warm Spring weather.

The North star can't quit looking over at Leo.
Pisces is stirring milky dust from the Ocean floor. 

Jupiter rides his horse over to Saturn,
"Old Man, jump up behind me! The juice is coming back!

Think of something happy to shout as we go."

Mars washes his bloody sword, and puts it up, and begins building things.

The Aquarian water jar fills, and the Virgin pours it generously

The Pleiades and Libra and Aries

have no trembling in them anymore.

Scorpio walks out looking for a lover,

and so does Sagittarius!

This is not crooked walking, like the Crab.

This is the Holiday we've been waiting for.

It's finally time to sacrifice Taurus

and learn how the sky is a lens to look through.

Listen to What's Inside

anything I say.

Shams will appear at dawn,

and then even this night will change

from its Beloved Darkness

to a Day beyond any ordinary,

sweet daylight.

Version by Coleman Barks 

from a translation by A.J. Arberry

"Like This"

Maypop, 1990

Tonight is a night of union for the stars and of scattering,

scattering, since a bride is coming from the skies,
 consisting of a full moon.

Venus cannot contain herself for charming melodies,
like the nightingale which becomes intoxicated with the rose in spring-time.

See how the polestar is ogling Leo;
 behold what dust Pisces is stirring up from the deep!

Jupiter has galloped his steed against ancient Saturn, saying

"Take back your youth and go, bring good tidings!"

Mars' hand, which was full of blood from the handle of his sword,
has become as life-giving as the sun, the exalted in works.

Since Aquarius has come full of that water of life,
the dry cluster of Virgo is raining pearls from him.

The Pleiades (nut) full of goodness fears not Libra and being broken;
how should Aries flee away in fright from its mother?

When from the moon the arrow of a glance struck the heart of Sagittarius, 
he took to night-faring in passion for her, like Scorpio.

On such a festival, go, sacrifice Taurus,
else you are crooked of gait in the mud like Cancer. 

This sky is the astrolabe, and the reality is Love;
whatever we say of this, attend to the meaning.

Shamsi-Tabriz, on that dawn when you shine, the dark night

is transformed to bright day by your moonlike face.

Translation by A.J. Arberry

"Mystical Poems of Rumi 1"

The University of Chicago Press, 1968

Yang Berulang-Ulang II...

II

AKU BERMOHON AMPUN PADA KAU YA ALLAH

DARI MENTAKSIRKAN DIRIKU

DAN PADA AMALAN KU

SETIAP NAFAS AKU TURUN NAIK

AKU MEMOHON KEPADAMU YA ALLAH

DARI BARANG YANG MENYAMAI ALLAH

DAN TIAP SESUATU AKAN BERKATA ALLAH

AKU MEMOHON AMPUN PADAMU YA ALLAH

TUHAN YANG MEMBAWA MANUSIA KEPADA KEBAIKAN

DAN AKU MEMOHON AMPUN KEPADAMU YA ALLAH

YANG MANA AKU MEMBAWA DARI SEGALA KESALAHAN DAN KEBURUKAN

KAMULAH YANG MEMBERI PADAKU PERTUNJUK

DAN KAMULAH YANG SEBENAR-BENAR

TIDAK ADA YANG LAIN MEMBERI PERTUNJUK PADAKU

KECUALI DIALAH ALLAH

TOLONGLAH DAKU WAHAI TUHANKU, ALLAH YANG MAHA TINGGI

TIDAK ADA APA YANG ADA DALAM HATIKU KECUALI ALLAH

SIFAT MUHAMMAD DIMULIAI ALLAH

TIDAK ADA TUHAN YANG LAIN MELAINKAN ALLAH

TIDAK ADA TUHAN YANG LAIN MELAINKAN ALLAH

YANG MEMILIKKI KEBENARAN YANG NYATA

MUHAMMAD ITU PESURUH ALLAH

MEMOHON JANJI YANG DIAMANAHKAN

TIDAK ADA TUHAN YANG LAIN MELAINKAN ALLAH

YANG MEMBERI PERTOLONGAN

DAN MENAFKAH DARIPADA AZALI LAGI

KELEBIHAN ENGKAU BERZIKIR

MAKA KETAHUILAH BAHAWASANYA

KALIMAH LA ILAHA ILLALLAH

MAKA MEMADAILAH KAMU MENYERAH DIRI KAMU KEPADA ALLAH

DAN DIA LAH MAHA MENDENGAR LAGI MENGETAHUI

ALLAH MENOLONG KAMU

DAN MEMBERI NIKMAT

DAN BERSERAHLAH DI ATAS ALLAH

TEMPAT KITA SEMUA MENYERAH

ALLAHU ALLAH

ALLAH AMAT LEMBUT

DAN DENGAN HAMBANYA

MEMBERI REZEKI KEPADA MEREKA-MEREKA YANG BERKEHENDAK

DIA MEMPUNYAI KEKUATAN DAN KETEGUHAN

WAHAI TUHAN TEMPAT AKU MENYERAH TIAP-TIAP SESUATU PENYERAHANKU

MAKA HINDARKANLAH DIRIKU DARI SESUATU DENGAN SEBAIK-BAIK KEKUASAAN

BAHAWA ENGKAU DI ATAS SETIAP SESUATU ITU BERKUASA

DAN TIDAK ADA DAYA UPAYA AKU

KECUALI DENGAN MU YA ALLAH

YANG MAHA TINGGI LAGI MAHA BESAR

WAHAI YANG MAHA LEMBUT

LEMBUTKANLAH DENGAN KAMI

PADA HARTA BENDA KAMI

KESELURUHANNYA DAN SENTIASA BERPANJANGAN DAN BERTERUSAN

SEBAGAIMANA KASIH YANG MENYUKAKAN KAMI

PADA UGAMA KAMI

DAN DUNIA KAMI

DAN AKHIRAT KAMI

WAHAI TUHAN YANG MAHA KETINGGIAN DAN MAHA MULIA

YA TUHAN KAMI YANG MAHA LEMBUT

LEMBUTLAH DAKU

SEBAGAIMANA ANAK DI DALAM KANDUNGAN IBU

LEMBUTKANLAH DENGAN KAMI

PADA TUNTUTAN YANG AKU HAJATI

LEMAH LEMBUT YANG NYATA

BAGI KETINGGIAN KAU

DAN KEMULIAAN KAU

WAHAI TUHANKU YANG MAHA MURAH DAN PENYAYANG

DAN PUJI-PUJIAN BAGI ALLAH

TUHAN SEKELIAN ALAM

(Anak Rimau)

Penyampaian Tok Manaf

• Yang Berulang-ulang I...
• Telah Berkata...

Unusual Lawsuits

The following article was taken from HERE, posted by Posted by Evan Andrews on Sunday, August 2, 2009 at 2:37 pm

Frivolous lawsuits waste billions of dollars in civil courts, but they show no signs of slowing down, and every year they seem to get more ridiculous. We’ve all heard about the woman who sued McDonald’s (and won!) after she spilled coffee on herself, or the thief who sued a family after injuring himself while trying to break into their house, but those are just the tip of the iceberg. Here are ten of the most outrageous and unusual lawsuits to ever make their way into a courtroom.

10. Man Sues Michael Jordan For Looking Like Him

Everybody wants to be like Mike, except for Allen Heckard of Portland, Oregon. In 2006, Heckard sued Michael Jordan and the Nike corporation for over $800 million after alleging that his uncanny resemblance to the NBA superstar had led to defamation, permanent injury, and emotional pain and suffering. “I’m constantly being accused of looking like Michael,” Heckard said at the time, “and it makes it very uncomfortable for me.” Heckard included Nike founder Phil Knight in the case for his role in promoting Jordan’s public persona, saying that he couldn’t go out in public without people mentioning he looked like Jordan. Heckard, who is only six feet tall, said that people at his gym had even accused him of playing basketball like Michael Jordan.

9. Man Sues Budweiser For False Advertising

In 1991, a man named Richard Overton filed a lawsuit against Anheiser-Busch for false advertising that had led to emotional distress, mental injury, and financial loss. Harris alleged that, unlike the what happens to guys in their ads, when he drank Bud Light the ladies weren’t attracted to him, nor did beautiful women and tropical settings appear out of thin air, as they did in another Budweiser commercial that was airing at the time. To add insult to this grave injury, he also asserted that when he drank beer, he would often wake up hung over. Overton sued for $10,000, but the case was thrown out before ever making it to trial.

8. Man Sues Himself

In 2006, Curtis Gokey filed a lawsuit against the city of Lodi, California when one of their dump trucks accidentally backed into his car. The problem? Gokey, a city employee, was the guy driving the dump truck. Even though he freely admitted the accident had been his fault, Gokey sued the city for $3,600 in damages. After the city denied the claim and asserted that he couldn’t legally sue himself, Gokey filed a new lawsuit, this time in his wife’s name. A city attorney alleged that this too was illegal, but Gokey’s wife went through with suit anyway, and even raised the damages to $4,800, saying, “I’m not as nice as my husband is.”

7. Surfer Sues Over Stolen Wave

One thing all surfers hate is when someone “snakes” a wave that they were in a better position to ride. A California man once took this anger to the courts when he supposedly sued another surfer for “stealing a wave” that he believed was meant for him. The man alleged that he had endured “pain and suffering” as a result of not being able to carve up the surf, and attempted to take the wave thief to court. The case was eventually dismissed when the court stated that there was no way to put a price on the pain and suffering of being denied a chance to ride a monster wave.

6. Student Sues For Right To Smelly Feet

Teunis Tenbrook, a philosophy student at Erasmus University in the Netherlands, sued his school after he was thrown out for having unusually smelly feet. Professors and other students had complained that the smell was overpowering and made it impossible to conduct classes, and Tenbrook was eventually expelled from both the school and its library. He sued, and after a ten-year legal battle, a judge ruled in 2009 that having smelly feet is no excuse to prevent a student from continuing their studies. Upon delivering this verdict, the judge stated: “Our considered opinion is that the professors and other students will just have to hold their noses and bear it.”

5. Russian Astrologer Sues NASA

The Tempel 1 comet is shown after the probe from the Deep Impact spacecraft collided with it early Monday, July 4, 2005. (AP)

Marina Bai is a Russian astrologer who sued NASA in July of 2005 for allegedly “disrupting the balance of the universe.” At the time, NASA had just fired the Deep Impact space probe into the comet Tempel 1 in the hope of studying its interior. Bai sued for damages and “moral sufferings,” alleging that the comet and “the natural balance of forces in the universe” would never be the same, and that her astrology business would be adversely affected as a result. Bai’s case was originally thrown out, but was reintroduced after her lawyer was able to show that NASA’s office in the American embassy fell under Russian jurisdiction. She sued for over $300 million, which was roughly the same as the space mission’s total budget, but her case was eventually rejected after a physicist argued that the probe had no real effect on the comet’s trajectory.

4. Man Sues Corporations For Witchcraft

In 2008, a Canadian man brought a $2 billion lawsuit against several corporations after claiming that the companies had repeatedly dabbled in witchcraft, satanic rituals, and brain wave control in an attempt to bolster profits. The man, named Jerry Rose, alleged that companies like Microsoft and Wal-Mart had subjected him to “invasive brain computer interface technology, research, experiments, field studies and surgery.” Rose also named several universities and professors as defendants in the case, saying that they had helped engineer the “brain-drain” technologies that had made the mind control tactics possible. Lawyers from the companies argued that the case was outrageous and deserved to be dismissed on the spot, but the judge in charge of the proceedings agreed to hear it, arguing that all of the charges were capable of being litigated.

3. The Cable Car Nymphomaniac

In San Francisco in 1964, a woman named Gloria Sykes was injured after the cable car she was riding on malfunctioned and careened down a hill. Sykes suffered a black eye and some scratches in the accident, but she filed a $500,000 lawsuit against the city for a much more curious reason: she claimed the accident had triggered a “demonic sex urge” in her. Sykes said the trauma from the accident had led to her developing an uncontrollable nymphomania, and that after it happened she’d had sex with over 100 men, as many as 50 in one week. The case made headlines in the Bay Area when it went to court, and many called it one of the most egregious abuses of the legal system in history. But after Sykes’ attorneys successfully argued that she had developed a bizarre form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, she was eventually awarded $50,000 in damages.

2. Man Sues God

In 2005, a Romanian prisoner named Pavel Mircea attempted to sue God for fraud and gross negligence. Mircea, who had spent twenty year behind bars for murder, claimed that God had failed to deliver him from evil, as he had been promised at his christening, and that this was tantamount to a breach of contract. Mircea sued for an undisclosed amount, partially to be reimbursed for money he had spent on prayer candles and other religious goods, and directed his case toward the Officials of the Romanian Orthodox Church, whom he considered to be God’s representatives on Earth. The courts eventually rejected the case, with at least one report claiming that it was thrown out because God is not subject to ordinary law.

1. The World’s Most Litigious Man Sues

Lawsuit against Steve Job (Apple) from Jonathan Lee Riches

When it comes to filing unusual lawsuits, few compare to Jonathan Lee Riches, who has filed an enormous amount of them in U.S. District Courts. Known variously as “Johnny Sue-Nami,” “the Litigator Crusader,” and “the Patrick Ewing of Suing,” Riches has been known to try and take anyone and anything to court. Targets of his over 4,000 lawsuits have included George W. Bush, the Somali pirates, NASCAR, NFL quarterback Michael Vick, New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick, Martha Stewart, and Steve Jobs. Riches, who is currently doing time in an Oklahoma City prison, has even attempted to sue historical figures like Plato, Nostradamus, and Che Guevara, as well as inanimate objects like the Eiffel Tower, the Lincoln Memorial, and Plymouth Rock. Arguably his most famous–and certainly his most ironic–lawsuit occurred in May of 2009, when Riches sued the Guinness Book of World Records for naming him “the World’s Most Litigious Man,” claiming that the company had no right to publish his “legal masterpieces.”

If you enjoyed these frivilous lawsuits, take a look at these stupid laws at Lawsome.net.

Hunger...

 

Hunger is the Sultan of remedies

Indeed hunger is the sultan of remedies.
Place hunger in the soul
Regard it not with such contempt!
Hunger makes all unpleasant things pleasant
But without it,

all pleasant things are rejected.

A man was eating bread made from bran.
Someone asked him,

"How is it you have an appetite for this?"
 

He replied,

"When hunger has been doubled through patience,
Barley bread becomes halva in my eyes." . . .

God has given hunger to His elect so that
They may become mighty lions.

  Mathnavi V: 2832-35, 38
Translation by William C. Chittick
"The Sufi Path of Love"
SUNY Press, Albany, 1983