Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts

Monday, October 31, 2011

Unusual Lawsuits


The following article was taken from HERE, posted by Posted by Evan Andrews on Sunday, August 2, 2009 at 2:37 pm
Frivolous lawsuits waste billions of dollars in civil courts, but they show no signs of slowing down, and every year they seem to get more ridiculous. We’ve all heard about the woman who sued McDonald’s (and won!) after she spilled coffee on herself, or the thief who sued a family after injuring himself while trying to break into their house, but those are just the tip of the iceberg. Here are ten of the most outrageous and unusual lawsuits to ever make their way into a courtroom.

10. Man Sues Michael Jordan For Looking Like Him

Everybody wants to be like Mike, except for Allen Heckard of Portland, Oregon. In 2006, Heckard sued Michael Jordan and the Nike corporation for over $800 million after alleging that his uncanny resemblance to the NBA superstar had led to defamation, permanent injury, and emotional pain and suffering. “I’m constantly being accused of looking like Michael,” Heckard said at the time, “and it makes it very uncomfortable for me.” Heckard included Nike founder Phil Knight in the case for his role in promoting Jordan’s public persona, saying that he couldn’t go out in public without people mentioning he looked like Jordan. Heckard, who is only six feet tall, said that people at his gym had even accused him of playing basketball like Michael Jordan.

9. Man Sues Budweiser For False Advertising

In 1991, a man named Richard Overton filed a lawsuit against Anheiser-Busch for false advertising that had led to emotional distress, mental injury, and financial loss. Harris alleged that, unlike the what happens to guys in their ads, when he drank Bud Light the ladies weren’t attracted to him, nor did beautiful women and tropical settings appear out of thin air, as they did in another Budweiser commercial that was airing at the time. To add insult to this grave injury, he also asserted that when he drank beer, he would often wake up hung over. Overton sued for $10,000, but the case was thrown out before ever making it to trial.

8. Man Sues Himself

In 2006, Curtis Gokey filed a lawsuit against the city of Lodi, California when one of their dump trucks accidentally backed into his car. The problem? Gokey, a city employee, was the guy driving the dump truck. Even though he freely admitted the accident had been his fault, Gokey sued the city for $3,600 in damages. After the city denied the claim and asserted that he couldn’t legally sue himself, Gokey filed a new lawsuit, this time in his wife’s name. A city attorney alleged that this too was illegal, but Gokey’s wife went through with suit anyway, and even raised the damages to $4,800, saying, “I’m not as nice as my husband is.”

7. Surfer Sues Over Stolen Wave

One thing all surfers hate is when someone “snakes” a wave that they were in a better position to ride. A California man once took this anger to the courts when he supposedly sued another surfer for “stealing a wave” that he believed was meant for him. The man alleged that he had endured “pain and suffering” as a result of not being able to carve up the surf, and attempted to take the wave thief to court. The case was eventually dismissed when the court stated that there was no way to put a price on the pain and suffering of being denied a chance to ride a monster wave.

6. Student Sues For Right To Smelly Feet

Teunis Tenbrook, a philosophy student at Erasmus University in the Netherlands, sued his school after he was thrown out for having unusually smelly feet. Professors and other students had complained that the smell was overpowering and made it impossible to conduct classes, and Tenbrook was eventually expelled from both the school and its library. He sued, and after a ten-year legal battle, a judge ruled in 2009 that having smelly feet is no excuse to prevent a student from continuing their studies. Upon delivering this verdict, the judge stated: “Our considered opinion is that the professors and other students will just have to hold their noses and bear it.”

5. Russian Astrologer Sues NASA

The Tempel 1 comet is shown after the probe from the Deep Impact spacecraft collided with it early Monday, July 4, 2005. (AP)
Marina Bai is a Russian astrologer who sued NASA in July of 2005 for allegedly “disrupting the balance of the universe.” At the time, NASA had just fired the Deep Impact space probe into the comet Tempel 1 in the hope of studying its interior. Bai sued for damages and “moral sufferings,” alleging that the comet and “the natural balance of forces in the universe” would never be the same, and that her astrology business would be adversely affected as a result. Bai’s case was originally thrown out, but was reintroduced after her lawyer was able to show that NASA’s office in the American embassy fell under Russian jurisdiction. She sued for over $300 million, which was roughly the same as the space mission’s total budget, but her case was eventually rejected after a physicist argued that the probe had no real effect on the comet’s trajectory.

4. Man Sues Corporations For Witchcraft

In 2008, a Canadian man brought a $2 billion lawsuit against several corporations after claiming that the companies had repeatedly dabbled in witchcraft, satanic rituals, and brain wave control in an attempt to bolster profits. The man, named Jerry Rose, alleged that companies like Microsoft and Wal-Mart had subjected him to “invasive brain computer interface technology, research, experiments, field studies and surgery.” Rose also named several universities and professors as defendants in the case, saying that they had helped engineer the “brain-drain” technologies that had made the mind control tactics possible. Lawyers from the companies argued that the case was outrageous and deserved to be dismissed on the spot, but the judge in charge of the proceedings agreed to hear it, arguing that all of the charges were capable of being litigated.

3. The Cable Car Nymphomaniac

In San Francisco in 1964, a woman named Gloria Sykes was injured after the cable car she was riding on malfunctioned and careened down a hill. Sykes suffered a black eye and some scratches in the accident, but she filed a $500,000 lawsuit against the city for a much more curious reason: she claimed the accident had triggered a “demonic sex urge” in her. Sykes said the trauma from the accident had led to her developing an uncontrollable nymphomania, and that after it happened she’d had sex with over 100 men, as many as 50 in one week. The case made headlines in the Bay Area when it went to court, and many called it one of the most egregious abuses of the legal system in history. But after Sykes’ attorneys successfully argued that she had developed a bizarre form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, she was eventually awarded $50,000 in damages.

2. Man Sues God

In 2005, a Romanian prisoner named Pavel Mircea attempted to sue God for fraud and gross negligence. Mircea, who had spent twenty year behind bars for murder, claimed that God had failed to deliver him from evil, as he had been promised at his christening, and that this was tantamount to a breach of contract. Mircea sued for an undisclosed amount, partially to be reimbursed for money he had spent on prayer candles and other religious goods, and directed his case toward the Officials of the Romanian Orthodox Church, whom he considered to be God’s representatives on Earth. The courts eventually rejected the case, with at least one report claiming that it was thrown out because God is not subject to ordinary law.

1. The World’s Most Litigious Man Sues

Lawsuit against Steve Job (Apple) from Jonathan Lee Riches
When it comes to filing unusual lawsuits, few compare to Jonathan Lee Riches, who has filed an enormous amount of them in U.S. District Courts. Known variously as “Johnny Sue-Nami,” “the Litigator Crusader,” and “the Patrick Ewing of Suing,” Riches has been known to try and take anyone and anything to court. Targets of his over 4,000 lawsuits have included George W. Bush, the Somali pirates, NASCAR, NFL quarterback Michael Vick, New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick, Martha Stewart, and Steve Jobs. Riches, who is currently doing time in an Oklahoma City prison, has even attempted to sue historical figures like Plato, Nostradamus, and Che Guevara, as well as inanimate objects like the Eiffel Tower, the Lincoln Memorial, and Plymouth Rock. Arguably his most famous–and certainly his most ironic–lawsuit occurred in May of 2009, when Riches sued the Guinness Book of World Records for naming him “the World’s Most Litigious Man,” claiming that the company had no right to publish his “legal masterpieces.”
If you enjoyed these frivilous lawsuits, take a look at these stupid laws at Lawsome.net.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Senior Years...


Some of the collections, received via email (authors if not indicated in the images, are unknown)..










Monday, January 31, 2011

You Are Old When....


(image credit : Brian Zaikowski at B.Z. Toons, as published at content.bored.com)


YOU ARE OLD WHEN 

"OLD" IS WHEN . Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Pick one; I can't do both!"
"OLD" IS WHEN ... Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
"OLD" IS WHEN ... A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
"OLD" IS WHEN ... Going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
"OLD" IS WHEN ... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to o along.
"OLD" IS WHEN ... You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
"OLD" IS WHEN ... "Getting a little action" means you don't need to take any fiber today
"OLD" IS WHEN ... "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.
"OLD" IS WHEN ... An "all nighter" means not getting up to use the bathroom.
"OLD" IS WHEN ... You are not sure these are jokes.

(email sharing - author unknown) 


Saturday, December 11, 2010

Bringing A Smile...


Thanks to Funzu.com...

Attention Please!

Please Check The Manual

Being Hazardous To The Rest

Smokers Take Note!

Which Balls?

Brain Drain Anyone?

Where Everything is Fast and Furious

Insane is Sane

The Long Wait, The Right Message

Welcome to.....?

heh..heh..

Nice Sign for the Next PRU

To Stiff To Comment

Cute!!

Money..Money..Money

Wednesday, December 01, 2010

When An Engineer Stands In As A Doctor


A doctor, who runs a private clinic in a remote area, had no choice one day, but to ask a favor from his engineer buddy.

"Murphy, I am having an emergency situation right now and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all my patients. I will be back by the end of the day". 

"Alright buddy, I'll be there in a minute!" answers Murphy who lives nearby.

At the clinic, the two buddies met.

"I don't have to teach you how to use these simple medical equipments. You are an expert and these are simple equipments. The thermometer, the blood pressure gauge, all the rest are here."

"No problem buddy!" 

"And the medicines for common illnesses, are all in here. You know what they are for. The same ones that you are having in your first-aid box. But in case there is anything that you cannot handle, do not hesitate to call this number. An ambulance will be here right away. Let them handle the patient. Alright buddy?!"


"He..he..he.. Dr. Murphy is here! Don't worry a thing. Go! Settle your problem and be back right here as soon as you can!", said Murphy.

Next couple of hours in the evening, the doctor returns to the clinic and asks: "So, Dr. Murphy, how was your day?"

Murphy told him that he took care of three patients. "The first one had a headache so he did, so I gave him Paracetamol. "

"Bravo Murphy buddy, and the second one?" asks the doctor.

"The second one had indigestion and I gave him Gaviscon, so I did sir" says Murphy.

"Bravo, bravo! You're indeed a locum at this clinic! And what about the third one?" asks the doctor.

"I was sitting here and suddenly the door flies open and a young gorgeous woman bursts in so she does. Like a bolt outta the blue, she tears off her clothes, taking off everything including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table, spreading her legs and shouts:

'HELP ME for the love of St Patrick! For five years I have not seen any man!'"

"Tunderin' lord Jesus Murphy, what did you do, doctor Sir?!!!" asks the doctor.

(Image credit : Shutterstock)

"I put drops in her eyes!"

(taken from group posts - original author unknown)


      Wednesday, July 21, 2010

      Stop Telling Jokes


      I MIGHT ACT SERIOUS

      If God would stop telling jokes
      I might act
      serious.

      ~ Tukaram ~


      (Love Poems From God: Twelve Sacred Voices
      from the East and West by Daniel Ladinsky)

      (unable to trace the source of image for credit purposes)

      Sunday, July 11, 2010

      The Engineer Again?


      This must be the engineer. He is at it again...
      (image credit : http://stealmyideasplease.com)
      Equation 1
      Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
      Donkey = eat + sleep
      Therefore:
      Human = Donkey + Work + enjoy
      Therefore:
      Human-enjoy = Donkey + Work
      In other words,
      Human that don't know enjoy = Donkey that work.

      Equation 2
      Men = eat + sleep + earn money
      Donkey = eat + sleep
      Therefore:
      Men = Donkey + earn money
      Therefore:
      Men-earn money = Donkey
      In other words
      Men who don't earn money = Donkey

      Equation 3
      Women= eat + sleep + spend
      Donkey = eat + sleep
      Therefore:
      Women = Donkey + spend
      Women - spend = Donkey
      In other words,
      Women who don't spend = Donkey

      To Conclude:

      From Equation 2 and Equation 3
      Men who don't earn money = Women who don't spend

      So Men earn money not to let women become donkey!
      And women spend not to let men become donkey!


      So, We have:
       Men+Women = Donkey+earn money + Donkey+Spend money


      Therefore from postulates 1 and 2,
      we can conclude

      Men + Women = 

      Two Donkeys that live happily together!


      Want More?

      Ok.... Woman As Explained by Engineers



      Thursday, July 01, 2010

      Elderly Woes

      We are growing old, all of us, aren't we?
      (unable to trace the source of image)

      With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old woman was able to give birth to a baby. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit.

      "May we see the new baby?" one asked.
      "Not yet," said the mother. "I'll make coffee and we can visit the baby afterward."
      Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked, "May we see the new baby now?"

      "No, not yet," said the mother.

      After another few minutes had elapsed, they asked again, "May we see the baby now?"
      "No, not yet," replied the mother.

      Growing very impatient, they asked, "Well, when can we see the baby?"

      "WHEN HE CRIES!" she told them.

      "WHEN HE CRIES?" they demanded. "Why do we have to wait until he cries?"
      "BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM.
      O.K.!!!?????"

      Wednesday, June 23, 2010

      Making Choices and Mind Your Language

      For Today......

      Credits to Randy Glasbergen (www.glasbergen.com)

      and the time for some English lessons, around the world....
      (shared via email - copyright, if any, is unknown)

      In a Bangkok temple:
      IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN.

      Cocktail lounge , Norway :
      LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

      Doctors office, Rome :
      SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

      Dry cleaners, Bangkok:
      DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.

      In a Nairobi restaurant:
      CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

      On the main road to Mombasa, leaving Nairobi:
      TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

      On a poster at Kencom:
      ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP.

      In a City restaurant:
      OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.

      In a cemetery:
      PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY, BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.

      Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
      GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.

      On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
      OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.

      In a Tokyo bar:
      SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.

      Hotel, Yugoslavia:
      THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

      Hotel, Japan:
      YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

      In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
      YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.

      A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
      IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.

      Hotel, Zurich:
      BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.

      Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
      WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

      Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
      WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS. 

      A laundry in Rome:
      LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.

      Friday, June 11, 2010

      Ever Wondering...


      ( سورة Ù‚  , Qaf, Surah 50, Ayat 16)

      Dan demi sesungguhnya, Kami telah mencipta manusia dan Kami sedia mengetahui apa yang dibisikkan oleh hatinya, sedang (pengetahuan) Kami lebih dekat kepadanya daripada urat lehernya.


      ( سورة Ù‚  , Qaf, Chapter #50, Verse #16)

      It was We Who created man, and We know what dark suggestions his soul makes to him: for We are nearer to him than (his) jugular vein.

      Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

      Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

      Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?

      What is the speed of darkness as opposed to speed of light?

      Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?

      If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

      Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

      How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

      Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
       
      Did you ever stop and wonder.....???

      Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'

      Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its bum.'
       
      Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

      Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

      Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?
       
      Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

      Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
       
      If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

      If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

      If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
       
      Why do the Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

      Stop singing and read on........!!!

      Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

      Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

      Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

      (image credit : http://kara.allthingsd.com)

      "You are nearer to me than my jugular vein"

      You are my face; no wonder I don't see You:
      such closeness is a mystifiying veil.
      You are my reason; it's no wonder I don't see You,
       because of all this perplexity of thought.
      You are nearer to me than my jugular vein.

      Mathnawi:VI:666-68, Ver by Camille & Kabir Helminski,
       "Rumi:Jewels of Remembrance", Threshold Books, 1996

      Friday, May 21, 2010

      As Time Passes By

      Remember that our bodies are getting old... but we still can be young at heart...

      (unable to trace the source of images for credit purposes)

      Saturday, May 01, 2010

      The Engineer (3) - The Many Takes

      Previously...
      * Watch And You Will See - Engineer vs Lawyer

      * The Engineer (1) - Getting To Know One

      * The Engineer (2) - Engineer vs Management/Accountant
      (all numeric images credit : school.discoveryeduction.com)
      UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS
      Take One
      Two engineering students were walking across the campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

      The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

      The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
      UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS 
      Take Two
      To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.

      To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
      UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS
      Take Three
      What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
      Mechanical Engineers build weapons. Civil Engineers build targets.
      UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS
      Take Four
      Normal people believe that if it isn't broken, don't fix it.
      Engineers believe that if it isn't broken, it doesn't have enough features yet.
      UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS
      Take Five
      An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.

      The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.

      The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.

      The engineer said, "I like both."

      "Both?" Replied the architect and artist.

      "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."
      UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS
      Take Six
      One day, an engineer was crossing a road when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess". He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

      The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

      The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

      Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

      The engineer said, "Look. I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

      GOD BLESS !!!

      but without them....
      (all images credit : Agilent Technologies http://www.educatorscorner.com)

      Ingenuity - each problem has solution....

      Perhaps these are what the accountants would like the engineers to come up with... cheap solutions !
      (all images credit : funzu.com) 







       
       

      and perhaps this is what the accountants come up with ...
      all by themselves !



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